"We thought you meant our toothbrushes."
This article is about the episode.
You may be looking for the character of the same name.
Big Baby is the 27th episode of Action League Now!. It first premiered on the Kablam! episode, Won't Stick to Most Dental Work on June 2, 1997.
- The Flesh
- Stinky Diver
- The Chief
- The Mayor
- Bill the Lab Guy
- Big Baby
- Various Townspeople
The episode begins at a carnival, where His Dishonor, The Mayor, is hosting a freak show. Quarky, along with Thundergirl and Stinky Diver, are there to watch the show. The Mayor then presents Big Baby, who Thundergirl thinks is cute and Stinky thinks is ugly. The Mayor then pokes Big Baby with a pencil, telling him to dance for the people. Big Baby grabs the pencil and tosses The Mayor into a trash can. He then breaks through his cage, scaring away the people, and grabbing Quarky.
At a Mobile Command Post, the Action League is discussing how to stop Big Baby. Stinky Diver is not above destroying him, but Bill the Lab Guy protests, saying that Big Baby is a rare creature, to be studied, not destroyed, and that they should use reason, not violence. The Chief and Thundergirl then tell Bill that Big Baby grabbed his daughter, Quarky, and ran off with her. When Bill hears this, he snaps and wants to destroy Big Baby.
Meanwhile, Big Baby goes on a rampage at a nearby house, where the family is having lunch. Big Baby then tears the roof off the house and scares the family. Before Big Baby can attack them, Stinky and The Flesh arrive in the Action Mobile. Stinky is then about to shoot at Big Baby, but the Flesh tells him he got him mad. Back at the Mobile Command Post, Bill the Lab Guy grieves over Quarky having been taken by Big Baby. The Chief tries to comfort Bill by telling him he's got his best people on it. An angry Big Baby then tosses the Action Mobile at the Mobile Command Post.
As Big Baby climbs up a coat rack, Thundergirl flies to rescue Quarky. She then asks Big Baby if he wants his pacifier, but an angry Big Baby punches her, causing her to land in a cactus. The narrator then asks the viewers if the Action League will be able to calm Big Baby and save Quarky, then tells the viewers to stay tuned for part 2.
In the second act, Quarky begs for her father to save her. Bill wants to save Quarky, but at the same time, he doesn't want to hurt Big Baby. He tries to think of a solution. The Flesh and Meltman are having a hard time thinking with a stench filling the air. This suddenly gives Bill an idea.
The Action League find out why Big Baby's so cranky; he needs a diaper change. Stinky Diver climbs up the coat rack and uses his spear gun to remove Big Baby's dirty diaper. Justice then opens the trash can (with The Mayor still inside) to dispose of the dirty diaper. The Flesh then rams the coat rack with a skateboard, causing Big Baby to fall. He and Meltman catch him in a clean diaper. As Quarky falls, Thundergirl tries to catch her, but misses. (Fortunately, Quarky survived the fall.)
With Big Baby calm, The Chief is impressed at what a difference a clean diaper can make. The Flesh (who is now wearing a diaper) agrees with him. Quarky is happy to see her father again, and Bill is relieved that she's all right. She is, thanks to the Action League. Stinky then feeds Big Baby a bottle of formula, and Thundergirl tells Stinky she thought he hated babies. Stinky tells Thundergirl he thought so too, but now he finds Big Baby cute. Big Baby then spits his formula on Stinky, and everyone laughs as the story ends.
- Quarky: "Gee, Uncle Stinky, isn't it wrong to gawk at unfortunate creatures?"
- Stinky Diver: "No, it's great. Woo-hoo! Bring on the freak!"
- Thundergirl: "Awww! It's a witsy-bitsy Baby!"
- Stinky Diver: "Blimey! It's a grotesque parody of human life!"
- Stinky Diver: "Smash it, crush it, destroy it!"
- Bill the Lab Guy: "No, Big Baby's a rare creature, to be studied, not destroyed. Let us use reason, not violence."
- The Chief: "Say, um, Bill, there's something we've been meaning to tell you."
- Thundergirl: "Uh, yeah. Big Baby sort of grabbed your daughter, Quarky, and ran off with her."
- Bill the Lab Guy: "That thing has my daughter?! Aaah! Smash it, crush it, destroy it!"
- Mom: "More wholesome milk, dear?"
- Daughter: "Mom, you know I'm lactose intolerant."
- Stinky Diver: "Hey, you big baby mutant, time to learn your first words; 'bye-bye'!"
- The Flesh: "Good one, Stinky, but I think you got him mad!"
- Bill the Lab Guy: "My precious Quarky, my little lab assistant, she was all I had, and she worked for free."
- The Chief: "Don't worry, old friend, I've got my best people on it.
- (Stinky Diver and The Flesh scream as Big Baby tosses them. They land on Bill and The Chief)
- The Flesh: "Ouchies!"
- Narrator: Is the Action League in deep doo-doo? Can they quell a crying monster before Quarky meets a diapered doom? Stay tuned for the action-swaddled conclusion of Action League Now!.
- Stinky Diver (preparing to change Big Baby's diaper): "P.U.! I've heard of doing one's duty, but this is revolting!"
- The Chief: "Jumping jackrabbits! Amazing what a difference a clean diaper can make!"
- The Flesh (wearing a diaper): "Boy, I'll say."
- This episode marks the second appearance of Big Baby, and the final appearance of Quarky the Lab Girl.