Flesh And Blood

The title card

Flesh and Blood is the 16th episode of Action League Now!. It first premiered on the Kablam! episode, Better Than a Poke in the Eye on November 28, 1997.

Characters Present

• Lola
• Meltman
• Newscaster
• The Chief
• The Flesh
• The Flesh's Real Parents
• The Two Criminals Impersonating The Flesh's Parents
• Thundergirl
• Stinky Diver
• Various Townspeople

Plot

The episode begins with The Flesh being interviewed on Lola, where Lola asks him if he's ever met his parents. The Flesh answers that he hasn't and starts to cry. Lola then claims that she has a wonderful surprise for him, and The Flesh asks her if it's a burrito. Lola replies that it's better than that; it's his parents, whom The Flesh is happy to see his parents after so many years! He then tries to give them a hug, but accidentally punches them when he runs into them. Lola then asks the Flesh and his parents what they're going to do now that they're reunited, and The Flesh's father has big ideas.

Meanwhile, at Action Headquarters, the Narrator observes that the Action League is glad The Flesh is reunited with his parents. The League, who is watching Lola on TV, is really jealous that The Flesh gets to be on TV and they don't.

Meanwhile, the Flesh's parents are driving a car (with him in a car seat), and the Flesh asks them if he's always been always this strong. The Flesh's father doesn't answer that question and stops his car at Megabuck Mansion, which he says is their house. The Flesh's father then realizes that he forgot his keys and asks The Flesh to break a window. The Flesh is happy to oblige, as he'd do anything for his parents, and then tosses a brick, but it misses the window and bounces off from the wall, landing on his parents.

When The Flesh and his parents finally get inside Megabuck Mansion, The Flesh's father explains that he needs to load all of his valuables into his car. The Flesh is happy to help, and his father says that his plan is going easier than he believed. The Flesh then carries a bust, but accidentally trips and hits his parents with it.

Back at Action HQ, the League watches a news report, where it is revealed that The Flesh (and two criminals impersonating his parents) have been caught on videotape robbing Megabuck Mansion. The League, completely oblivious, is still jealous that The Flesh gets to be on TV. Watching this, the Chief tells The League that The Flesh is in trouble and could get arrested if he continues to work for the two criminals. They need to find him and convince him to stop.

Back at Megabuck Mansion, the Flesh has helped the two criminals load everything into their car. Just as they are about to leave, the League shows up, and The Chief tells everyone to freeze. The Flesh, eager to introduce the Action League to his parents and their house, asks if they'd like to see his room. Thundergirl tells The Flesh that it's not his house and they're not his real parents. The Flesh asks Thundergirl if they're really not, and the two criminals try to convince The Flesh otherwise. Both the Action League and the two criminals try to get the Flesh on their side, which makes The Flesh confused, as he doesn't know who is right and who is wrong. The Narrator then asks if Action blood is thicker than Action water (but wonders what that even means), telling the viewers to stay tuned for part two.

In the second act, The Flesh chooses to stay with his fake parents. Stinky snaps that he chose wrong, and prepares to shoot his spear gun at the two criminals. The Flesh, eager to save his parents, knocks Stinky out of the way, causing him to shoot the ceiling fan, which lands on the two criminals. The panicking Flesh then asks the two criminals if they're okay. The two criminals confess to him that they're not his real parents and would rather go to jail than have him for a son.

Later that day, as The Chief takes the two criminals to jail, The Flesh sadly wonders if he will meet his real parents someday. As they drive away in the Action Mobile, The Flesh's real parents (who are naked, just like him) drive a car and wonder if they'll ever see their son again. They then inadvertently run over the Action Mobile with their car, which causes the League to scream in pain as the episode concludes.

Quotes

• Lola: "Flesh, you've got it all; you're super strong and super hot, yet there's something missing."

The Flesh: "That's right, Lola; my clothes!"

• Meltman: "How come he gets to be on TV?"

Thundergirl: "It's just because he's naked. He looks sexy when the Flesh is naked."

Stinky Diver: "You should see me naked! I'm glorious!"

• The Flesh: "This is our house? Boy, we must be rich, rich, rich!"

The Flesh's Fake Mom: "Not yet, but we will be. I mean, yeah, yeah, we sure are rich!"

• Narrator: "Is Action Blood thicker than Action Water? And what does that even mean, anyway? Find out in the Action-spawned conclusion of Action League Now!"

• The Flesh's Real Dad: "I Wonder if we'll ever see our son again."

The Flesh's Real Mom: "Oh, I'm sure we'll run across him someday."

(Their car runs over the Action Mobile)

Meltman: "Ow!"

The Flesh: "Ouchies!"

Thundergirl: "Ow-how!"

Stinky Diver: "My spine!"

Meltman: "Medic!"

Narrator: "The end."

Allusions

• The Flesh sings, "We Are Family", a 1979 dance hit song by Sister Sledge, while carrying a bust.

Previous Episode

• Science Fiction Parody

Next Episode

• The Quarky Syndrome

Chief’s Phrase

”You morons! The Flesh is in more trouble than a snowman in a steam bath”

Gallery

"Dateline; End Table TV Studios. Before a global audience, the Action League's most unclothed member prepares to bare all."

"Today's topic: Heroes That Hurt."

"Flesh, you've got it all; you're super strong and super hot, yet there's something missing."

"That's right, Lola; my clothes!"

"Uh, yes, but there's something else, isn't there? You haven't met your parents, have you, Flesh?"

"No, I haven't." (cries)

"It hurts. I know. But Flesh, what would you say if I told you that I have a wonderful surprise for you?"

"I'd probably say... "Is it a burrito?""

"Better. Flesh, meet your long-lost parents!" (audience applauds)

The two criminals impersonating The Flesh's Parents appear to a loud applause.

"Mommy? "Daddy?"

"Fleshie!"

"Whoopsies!"

"Now that you're a happy family again, tell us, how are you going to make up for lost time?"

"Oh, we got plans."

"Big plans..."

"We find our heroes at Action Headquarters..."

"...rejoicing over the Flesh's remarkable reunion."

"How come he gets to be on TV?"

"It's just because he's naked.The Flesh looks sexy when he's naked."

"You should see me naked! I'm glorious!"

"Meanwhile, the Flesh Family shares some long overdue quality time."

"Mommy, Daddy, all these years, there's been something I've been dying to know. Maybe you can finally tell me; was I always this buff?"

"Uh, whoop. No time for questions."

"Here we are, home sweet home."

"This is our house?"

"Boy, we must be rich, rich, rich!" "Not yet, but we will be."

"Uh, I mean, yeah! Yeah, we sure are rich!"

"Golly, wouldn't you know it, I forgot the keys. Would you mind breaking that window for me, Son?"

"'Son'? I love that."

"Ow!"

"Whoopsies."

"Boy, what a pad."

"This place is a gold mine!" "What's that, Daddy?"

"Oh, I said, 'I'm in a real bind'. I have to move all of our valuables to the car."

"I'll help!"

"This is even easier than I thought; Buff Boy's a real pushover."

"We are fami..."

"Ow!"

"Whoopsies number two."

"Meanwhile, the Action Couch Potatoes continue to vegetate."

"This just in; The Flesh and two criminals impersonating his parents have been caught on videotape robbing Megabuck Mansion."

"Hey, why does The Flesh get to be on TV all the time? He's not so great!"

"You morons! The Flesh is in more trouble than a snowman in a steam bath! We've gotta get a move on!"

"Well, I guess that's everything."

"Such a good boy. Now let's make our getaway."

"Uh, I... I mean let's go!"

"Alright, everyone freeze!"

"Whoa, you go, Chief!"

"Hi, everyone, want to see my room?"

"It's not your house, and they're not your real parents!"

"They're not?"

"Yes, we are, son. Now come along Let's book!"

"The only place you're going is up the river, you phonies!"

"Fleshie, stop them. Remember your father's blood pressure!"

"I'm so confused. What do I do?" "Is Action Blood thicker than Action Water? And what does that even mean, anyway? Find out in the Action-spawned conclusion of Action League Now!"

"Impostor parents: bad! Action League: good! As both sides barter for his Action Soul, a befuddled Flesh is faced with an impossible choice." "Eeeny, meeny, miney, um..."

"Aw, what the heck! I'm staying with Mommy and Daddy!"

"Wrong answer, Mate! Now step aside!"

"Don't worry, parents! I'll save you!"

The Flesh accidentally makes Stinky Diver fire his harpoon gun, injuring the two criminals.

"Ow!"

"Whoopsies number three! Mommy! Daddy!"

"For crying out loud, kid! We're not really your parents!" "Please..."

"...just take us to jail."

"Yeah! Anything's safer than being with him!"

"Later that day..."

"I wonder if I ever will meet my parents."

The Action League drive off...

...unaware that there's a car being driven by the Flesh's real parents.

"I wonder if we'll ever see our son again." "Oh, I'm sure we'll run across him someday."

The Flesh's Real Parents' car runs over the Action Mobile, crushing them in the process.

"Ow!" "Ouchies!" "Oh-how!" "My spine!" "Medic!" "The end."