I've Been Workin' On Derailroad

The title card

I've Been Workin' on Derailroad is the first episode of Action League Now!. It first premiered on All That on March 4, 1995.

Characters Present

• The Flesh
• Thundergirl
• Stinky Diver
• Meltman
• The Chief
• The Mayor
• Justice

Plot

The episode begins one night with a diesel engine pulling a passenger train. Suddenly, a steam engine decorated with a skull and crossbones appears out of the tunnel and crashes into the diesel at the crossing.

At Action Headquarters, Meltman says that he found his original nose, then asks Thundergirl if after he gets it reattached, she'd like to ride in his new sports car. Thundergirl refuses because she's busy, after which The Chief starts the meeting by saying there have been many train crashes on the B.O. Line lately; they must go undercover to investigate. Before they leave, he asks the League if they have any questions. Meltman has just one: is plastic surgery covered by their health plan?

Moments later, Thundergirl and Meltman ride the diesel engine, which is now pulling a freight train. Meltman is able to whistle again, as he hasn't been able to since he was melted. Unknown to the League, His Dishonor, the Mayor, is spying on them and looks through his binoculars to Stinky Diver and The Flesh repairing the railroad tracks. The Flesh sings a traditional railroad song, telling Stinky to sing along as they hammer in the nails. But then, The flesh accidentally hits Stinky's toe with his hammer, which causes The Mayor to say that nothing must interfere with his evil plan and set the remote to "Evil Speed"; this makes the diesel engine speed up. Thundergirl likes the new speed, as she loves the wind in her hair. She and Meltman then duck under a billboard, which accidentally knocks Meltman's nose out of his hand and makes him scream in fright. The Flesh hears it and tells Stinky that Meltman's in trouble and they have to save him. They climb aboard a handcar and set off to the rescue, but The Mayor sets the switch to a dead end and causes them to land in a washing machine. After that, he plans to destroy Meltman and Thundergirl and sends the steam engine with the skull and crossbones to crash into them. Thundergirl informs Meltman that they have to leave, but Meltman refuses to without his nose. He jumps to the diesel engine as The Mayor prepares to witness the train crash. Meltman reaches the front of the engine and tries to grab his nose, which causes the train to derail. The steam engine crashes into the diesel engine's hopper as the diesel engine crashes into The Mayor.

After the crash, The Chief asks The Mayor why he was causing so many train wrecks. The Mayor, who is wearing a party hat, answers that he did it for the insurance money so he could throw himself a really big birthday party. The Flesh tells The Mayor that he loves parties, but The Mayor argues that he's not invited. Thundergirl recovers Meltman's nose from the rubble and thinks the train crash took his life. Before she can reveal how she truly feels about him, Meltman rises from the rubble to ask her what she was trying to say. She answers that he owes her ten dollars and Meltman sighs, ending the episode.

Quotes

• Meltman: "Hey, you guys, look! I found my original nose! Hey, Thundergirl, after I get it reattached, how bout' going for a ride in my new sports car?"

Thundergirl: "I'd love to. Wait? you mean with you? Sorry, I'm busy."

• The Flesh: "Come on, sing with me! It's a railroad tradition!" (Singing as he and Stinky hammer in the nails) "It's back-breaking work and the pay is low, sweatin' away on the Old B.O.!" (He accidentally hits Stinky's flipper with his hammer)

Stinky: "Ow! You idiot! You crushed my toe!"

The Flesh: "Earnin' my pay on the Old B.O.!"

• (Meltman screams as he and Thundergirl go under a billboard, which knocks his nose out of his hand)

Thundergirl: "Wuss."

Meltman: "No, no, you don't understand; I dropped my nose!"

• The Chief: "Why'd you do it, Mayor?"

The Mayor: "For the insurance money, so I could throw myself a really big birthday party!"

The Flesh: "Goody! I love parties!"

The Mayor: "You're not invited!"

• Thundergirl (sadly holding Meltman's flattened nose): "Meltman's nose; it's all that's left of him, and I never got a chance to.."

Meltman (rising from the rubble): "Never got a chance to what, Thundergirl?"

Thundergirl: "...get back that ten bucks you owe me."

Meltman (dejected): "Oh."

Announcer: "The end."

Allusions

• This episode's title is a pun on the traditional children's song, "I've Been Working On The Railroad".

Trivia

• This episode marks the first appearances of the Action League and The Mayor.

Next Episode

• Stinky On Ice

Gallery

"Hey, you guys, look!"

"I found my original nose!"

"Hey, Thundergirl, after I get it reattached,"

"How about going for a ride in my new sports car?"

"I'd love to."

"Wait, you mean with you?"

"Sorry, I'm busy."

"All right, listen up everybody."

"There are too many trains crashing on the B.O. Line."

"You guys are going undercover to get to the bottom of it."

"Any questions?"

"Just one: is plastic surgery covered by our health plan?"

"Check it out, Thundergirl..."

..."I haven't been able to whistle since the accident!"

"But unbeknownst to our heroes, a master criminal lurks just around the bend..."

"...none other than His Dishonor, The Mayor!"

"Doing some undercover work, Action losers?"

"Very clever."

"Oh, look. There's The Flesh, and that human potty, Stinky Diver!"

"Come on, sing with me! It's a railroad tradition!"

"It's back-breaking work, and the pay is low,"

"Sweatin' away on the old B.O.!"

"Ow! You idiot, you crushed my toe!"

"Earnin' my pay on the old B.O.!"

"Hey, good one, Stinky!"

"Those fools!"

"Don't they know that nothing must interfere with my evil plan?!"

"Whee! Faster! FASTER!"

"I love the wind in my hair!"

"Aaah!"

"Wuss."

"No, no, you don't understand!"

"I dropped my nose!"

"That's Meltman!"

"He's in trouble. Come on!"

"Hate to send you..."

"...out of your way..."

"...injection-molded ninnies!"

"And now it's your turn, Tuna Melt and Dundergirl!"

"Meltman, look! Let's get out of here!"

"Not without my nose!"

"Oooh!"

"This is going to be good!"

"Meltman!"

"Oh, if only I had kung-fu quip!"

"NO!"

"Uh-oh, here's trouble."

"Why'd you do it, Mayor?"

"For the insurance money, so I could throw myself a really big birthday party!"

"Goody! I love parties!"

"You're not invited!"

"Meltman's nose - it's all that's left of him..."

"...and I never got a chance to..."

"Never got a chance to what, Thundergirl?"

"Get back that ten bucks you owe me."

"Oh." "The end."