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Melty Dearest

The title card

Melty Dearest is the sixth episode of the third season of Action League Now! and the 34th episode overall. It first premiered on the KaBlam! episode, Your Logo Here on October 4, 1998.

Characters Present[]

Plot[]

The episode begins at a tennis court, where the Action League is playing a celebrity charity match with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone. During their match, Arnold tells the League that while he may play action heroes in the movies, they keep the world safe for real. Suddenly, The Flesh tries to hit the ball, but misses and hits Arnold instead. After that, the ball wanders out of the court and Stinky orders Meltman to get it, who reluctantly does so. The ball bounces down over the stairs as Meltman follows it, feeling unappreciated. He thinks the only time the rest of the League needs him is to get something. He hopes someone will appreciate him soon.

Moments later, Meltman returns to the court with what appears to be the ball. Upon closer inspection, Bill tells Meltman that he didn't bring back the ball, but what he did bring back was an egg of the rare and deadly South Amercian Jumping Spider. The egg hatches, revealing a baby spider inside. Everyone is shocked when he looks like he is about to attack.

Arnold and Sylvester hold each other, begging for their mothers. Bill then tells everyone that he knows what to do in this kind of situation, as he learned it from etymology school: run! Everyone runs away, except for Meltman, who worries what the baby spider will do to him. The baby spider then squirts a web all over him, after which Bill returns and tells Meltman that squirting webs is how the Jumping Spider shows affection. He then tells Meltman that the baby spider thinks Meltman is his mother. As he continues to get squirted, Meltman is finally happy that somebody likes him.

Later at Action Headquarters, Meltman pushes a baby carriage with the baby spider inside, singing "The Eensy-Weensy Spider" as he does. Stinky tells Meltman that the Baby Spider is a deadly predator, making Meltman argue that the baby spider wouldn't even hurt a fly (ironic, considering the nature of the real spider). The Chief arrives and tells the League about Torr, an exchange superhero from Denmark, saying that Torr will be staying with them for a while. Torr is looking forward to the many years of learning the Action League's ways of superheroing. Just then, the baby spider pounces at Torr and tears him to pieces. The Chief is not happy with Meltman, as he now doesn't know what to tell the Danes. Meltman scolds the baby spider, telling him not to mutilate the League's Northern European friends. The baby spider then squirts Meltman as an apology and Meltman says that he still loves him. Arnold then arrives to thank the League for participating at the tennis tournament. Just like he did to Torr, the baby spider jumps at Arnold and tears him to pieces. Stinky worries that they now might not get free movie passes to any more of Arnold's movies. As he is being squirted by the baby spider, The Chief tells Meltman that even though he has feelings for the baby spider, he wants the baby spider out of the League. Meltman snaps that the baby spider is his child and he doesn't want to give him up. Just then, Bill arrives and tells The Chief that his research on Jumping Spiders shows that the mother is extremely protective of their young. Meltman agrees with Bill, who tells him that he's talking about the baby spider's real mother. Stinky points upwards, asking Bill if the mother spider looks anything like what he's pointing to. Sure enough, the mother spider arrives to collect her son. Bill says that Stinky is right, and as they used to say in etymology school, "Run!". Bill and the League try to run away, but they all get squirted by the mother. The Narrator asks the viewers if the mother will spell the end of the League, then tells them to stay tuned for part two.

In the second act, the League is tangled up in the mother spider's web. They all beg for help, and Bill tells them that the mother simply wants her son. Unfortunately, Meltman doesn't want to give the baby spider up, much to the League's dismay. Bill hopes there is a reasonable way to resolve Meltman and the mother's conflict. Thundergirl then tells him that it might not be reasonable, but then comes up with an idea.

On the set of The Lola Show, Lola interviews the two spiders and Meltman, who tells her that he is the baby's real mother. However, the mother insists otherwise, so Meltman then tells her to give him one good reason why she should be the baby's mother. The mother then eats Meltman and spits out his pieces, who weakly decides that this is reasonable enough for him as the episode ends.

Quotes[]

  • Narrator: "Is this the last hit on the Action League 'web' site? Find out in the Action-spewed conclusion of Action League Now!"
  • Narrator: "Oh, what a tangled web the Action League has weaved. Or is it woved? Or woven? Or... You know what I mean!"

Allusions[]

  • This episode's title is a pun on the 1981 film, Mommy Dearest.

Previous Episode[]

Next Episode[]

Chief’s Phrase[]

"Look, Meltman, I know you have feelings for this little guy ...But I want that bug gone faster than Carl Lewis on the Concorde”

Gallery[]

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