Melty Dearest

The title card

Melty Dearest is the sixth episode of the third season of Action League Now! and the 34th episode overall. It first premiered on the KaBlam! episode, Your Logo Here on October 4, 1998.

Characters PresentEdit


The episode begins at a tennis court, where the Action League is playing a celebrity charity match with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone. During their match, Arnold tells the League that while he may play action heroes in the movies, they keep the world safe for real. Suddenly, The Flesh tries to hit the ball, but misses and hits Arnold instead. The ball wanders out of the court and Stinky orders Meltman to get the ball. Meltman reluctantly decides to do so. The ball bounces down the stairs and Meltman follows it, felling unappreciated, thinking that the only time the rest of the Action League needs him is to get something for them. He hopes someday someone will appreciate him.

Moments later, Meltman returns to the court with what appears to be the ball. Upon closer inspection, Bill tells Meltman that he didn't bring back the ball, but what he did bring back was an egg of the rare and deadly South Amercian Jumping Spider. The egg hatches, revealing a Baby Spider inside. Everyone is shocked when he looks like he is about to attack.

Arnold and Sylvester hold each other, begging for their Mothers. Bill then tells everyone that he knows what to do in this kind of situation, as he learned it from etymology school. He tells everyone to run. Everyone runs away, except for Meltman. Meltman worries what the Baby Spider will do to him. The Baby Spider then squirts a web all over him. Bill returns and tells Meltman that squirting webs is how the Jumping Spider shows affection. He then tells Meltman that the Baby Spider thinks Meltman is his mother. As he continues to get squirted, Meltman is finally happy that somebody likes him.

Later, at Action Headquarters, Meltman pushes a baby carriage with the Baby Spider inside, singing, "The Eensy-Weensy Spider" as he does. Stinky tells Meltman that the Baby Spider is a deadly predator. Meltman then tells Stinky that the Baby Spider wouldn't hurt a fly (Ironic, considering the nature of the real spider). The Chief arrives and tells the League about Torr, an exchange superhero from Denmark. He tells them that Torr will be staying with them for a while. Torr is looking forward to the many years of learning the Action League's ways of superheroing. Just then, the Baby Spider pounces at Torr and tears him to pieces. The Chief is not happy with Meltman, as now he doesn't know what to tell the Danes. Meltman scolds the Baby Spider, telling him not to mutilate the League's Northern European friends. The Baby Spider then squirts Meltman as a way of apologizing, and Meltman tells him he still loves him. Arnold then arrives to thank the League for participating at the tennis tournament. Just like he did to Torr, the Baby Spider jumps at Arnold and tears him to pieces. Stinky worries that now they might not get free movie passes to any more of Arnold's movies. As he is being squirted by the Baby Spider, The Chief tells Meltman that even though he knows he has feelings for the Baby Spider, he wants the Baby Spider out of the Action League. Meltman tells The Chief that the Baby Spider is his baby and he doesn't want to give him up. Just then, Bill arrives and tells The Chief that his research on Jumping Spiders shows that the Mother is extremely protective of their young. Meltman agrees with Bill, but Bill tells him that he's talking about the Baby Spider's real Mother. Stinky points upwards, asking Bill if the Mother Spider looks anything like what he's pointing to. Sure enough, the Mother Spider arrives to collect her son. Bill tells Stinky he is right, and as they used to say in etymology school, "Run!". Bill and the League try to run away, but they all get squirted by the Mother Spider. The Narrator asks the viewers if the Mother Spider will spell the end of the Action League, then tells them to stay tuned for Part 2.

In the second act, the League are tangled up in the Mother Spider's web. They all bed for help, and Bill tells them that all the Mother Spider wants is her son. Unfortunately, Meltman doesn't want to give the Baby Spider up, much to the League's dismay. Bill hopes there is a reasonable way to resolve Meltman and the Mother Spider's conflict. Thundergirl then tells him that it might not be reasonable, but she has an idea.

On the set of The Lola Show, Lola interviews the Baby Spider, The Mother Spider, and Meltman. Meltman tells her that he is the Baby Spider's real mother, but the Mother Spider insists otherwise. Meltman then tells the Mother Spider to give him one good reason why she should be his mother. The Mother Spider then eats Meltman and spits out his pieces. Meltman decides that is reasonable enough for him as the episode ends.


  • Narrator: "Is this the last hit on the Action League 'web' site? Find out in the Action-spewed conclusion of Action League Now!"
  • Narrator: "Oh, what a tangled web the Action League has weaved. Or is it woved? Or woven? Or... You know what I mean!"


  • This episode's title is a pun on the 1981 film, Mommy Dearest.

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